


there's cell reception on this widow's walk

by strix_alba



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Awkward Flirting, F/F, Post-Season/Series 02, Relationship Negotiation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-05
Updated: 2018-03-05
Packaged: 2019-03-27 12:27:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13880868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strix_alba/pseuds/strix_alba
Summary: In which Tina sort-of-kind-of asks Farah to stay with her in Bergsberg, and Farah kind-of-sort-of wants to say yes.





	there's cell reception on this widow's walk

**Author's Note:**

> ~~I, uh, still haven't gotten around to watching the last two episodes of S2, so this is as vague as possible about how things actually turn out.~~  
>  We're just going to presume this is a slight AU because fuck it, I don't feel like rewriting this to account for Certain Things happening in the final episodes.
> 
> (It's also partially me figuring out how to write Farah, because she is a great character and I want to do her justice. If you have any comments/critiques for that, please share!)

Tina gawked at Farah in dismay. “You’re not staying? We’ll pay you a salary and everything!” They didn’t have anything in the way of a budget, but, like. There was all that stuff they’d confiscated in lockup. They could sell enough to pay her for at least three months.

Farah started to fiddle with the badge on her shirt. “I can’t. This has been … it’s really been an honor, but I can’t — this isn’t right. Those two over there, they need me.” She pointed to Todd and Dirk, currently asleep against each other’s shoulders in the station’s waiting room.

They did look pretty adorable and helpless. Damn it.

“Maybe we need you here, too. What if those black ops guys come back? What if the Mage gets resurrected? It happens all the time in comics.” Tina was an adult, she knew the world didn’t usually operate on comic book rules, except that apparently sometimes it did, now. Or dream rules. She wasn’t totally clear on that.

Farah took off the badge. “You and Sheriff Hobbs are going to be fine. You know what to look for. You can call me if you really need backup, but I need to go. We’re going to find Blackwing, and we’re going to crush them.”

“I can help with that, then! I’ll take vacation time. I’ve never officially done that, always just sort of took off, I’ve got like two months by now.” Probably.

Farah smiled and raised her eyebrows. “And what if something happens here? You’re going to leave Hobbs to take care of the whole of Bergsberg by himself?”

“No, but — I mean, come on, you can’t just …”

Farah held out the badge to her.

Tina pretended she didn’t notice. “Maybe _I_ need you, huh? Maybe I need someone to watch my back and make sure I don’t do anything stupid like pull a gun on you because I’m scared shitless.”

“You definitely do need more practice in high-stress situations,” Farah said, wincing.

“See?” Tina smacked her hands together. “You can stay and train me.”

“I told you, I can’t. And I refuse to believe that there are no firing ranges where you can get lessons in the area,” Farah said.

Curses! Foiled again. Tina was going to have to do it. She was going to have to bite the bullet and pull out the last resort in her arsenal: brutal honesty. “Okay, listen,” she said, lowering her voice. “I didn’t want to bring it up, but you’re kind of twisting my arm here. ‘Cause between you and me? You’re really hot. I mean, you’re smart, you know a ton about police work. You’re way braver than I am. You’re strong as hell. Like, damn, girl. I want you to stick around.”

Farah looked at her with a weird expression. Was she going to cry? Was she going to snap at Tina? Shit, she wasn’t some sort of closet homophobe, was she?

“Oh,” said Farah. She looked down. “I, um. Thank you. That’s very flattering.” Tina’s heart sank. “I’m kind of — I’m in the middle — I’m going through a lot right now. I’m still a fugitive, my family is in pieces, my boss just died a few months ago, and I haven’t seen his daughter in months.”

Tina held out her hands. “Hey, it’s cool. I get it,” she said, before Farah could dig her hole of excuses any deeper. “Bad timing, it’s not me it’s you, I get it. I’ve been there.” It sucked, and it stung a little that after all they’d been through together, Farah wouldn’t just be honest and say she wasn’t into her, but hey. Tina was a big girl.

“No, I mean. He was — he was like Hobbs is to you, he was that to me.” Farah’s eyes were a little red and a little watery. She tilted her head back and did some controlled breathing and when she looked back at Tina, her face was clear. “I’m sorry. This is all, it’s a lot, you know?”

“I don’t really know, to be honest. You’re a whole other ball game. But, like, I can kinda see it. If this is what the rest of your life is like? I wouldn’t have time for a small-town cop, either.” She saw Farah open her mouth, and shook her head. “I don’t mean that in, like, a ‘woe is me’ kinda way, I just mean, there’s only so many hours in a day, no matter how many energy drinks you chug.” She tried to smile, but it got all fucked up and came out as an awkward grimace.

Farah laughed. She folded her arms and hugged herself. “Before I had them, I just had my dad. My boss. His daughter. They were my life. My job was — is — my life.” She glanced over at Dirk and Todd. “Now I’ve got a new life. That has to come first. My job has to come first, or else what’s the point? What’s the point of any of this?” Farah gestured up and down at herself.

Frankly, Tina could come up with half a dozen reasons for Farah to exist besides being a bodyguard-slash-deputy. Good, selfless reasons, not just libido-reasons. Now probably wasn’t the time to mention any of them. She shoved her hands in her pockets, shoulders up, and turned her mouth upside-down like a frog instead.

Farah looked flustered. “Don’t. Um. Don’t answer that.”

“Wasn’t going to.”

Farah nodded. She held out the badge to Tina. “Can you give this back to Sheriff Hobbs for me?” she asked. “I forgot to give it to him, and I’ve already said goodbye.”

Tina patted Farah’s fingers closed around the badge. “Hell no. Keep the badge. You earned it.” She’d seen how Farah reacted to it. It had made Tina want to wrap her up in blankets and feed her pizza and margaritas.

Farah gave her a soppy look that made Tina go warm all over, and hugged her so tightly that Tina had trouble breathing. She ran her hands up and down Farah’s back. If she wasn’t going to stick around, Tina could at least have this for when she got drunk and sentimental.

When they parted, Farah squared her shoulders. Tina stared at her some more, and then got caught up looking at her (rich, brown, _gorgeous_ ) eyes. She wanted to run her fingertips over Farah’s cheeks and the smooth skin under her eyebrows and just stare into her eyes until one of them laughed or kissed the other, whichever came first.

“If I wasn’t in the middle of all this,” said Farah.

“Huh?” _Focus, Tina, focus._

“When I said I was flattered, it didn’t meant that I — that I’m not — _fuck_. If I didn’t have a job to do, if I — I would have liked to. Stay. Have a drink, maybe, to start.”

Tina’s head — heart — vagina — _something_ was going to explode at this rate, watching her badass new friend stammer through what sounded suspiciously like the world’s most awkward declaration of mutual-feelings. “Would you be down if I did one of those ‘shut up, you’re being a dork’ kisses?” she asked. “‘Cause I really, really want that to happen.”

Farah’s eyes went wide. “Oh. Okay. Yes.”

Tina leaned in, cupped Farah’s face in her hands, and planted a kiss on her still-parted lips. Farah tilted her head. Farah _kissed her back_. Her arms came up and wrapped around Tina’s waist, holding her on her toes. Everything about Farah was soft: her lips, her face, the way her body pressed into Tina. Tina leaned in and held on and let herself melt against Farah until she lost her balance and had to step back, whole body buzzing.

“Oh, wow,” said Farah.

Tina pumped her fist.

“I’m still, I can’t stay,” Farah said.

Tina shrugged. “I’ll take what I can get.” Stay positive. That was key. She could cry and watch _Valentine’s Day_ and feel sorry for herself after Farah had actually left.

Farah hugged her again with a little sigh, like she couldn’t help herself. “You’re a good person. I don’t think I understand you, but I do know that,” she said in Tina’s ear.

“God, same, so much,” said Tina. She shoved her face against Farah’s cheek like a cat as she pulled away.

“Okay.” Farah put a hand on her shoulder. “I’m going to wake them up, and leave in a vehicle that I have acquired through totally legal means, and then we’re going to disappear. If you get message from an unknown number in a week or two, it’s definitely not me.”

Tina gave her a huge wink to indicate that she, Tina Tevetino, _totally_ got it. “Sounds legit. So if I call this number, I’m not gonna be able to, like, ask you for advice or tell you about my day or anything, right?”

“Right.”

“And phone sex with this mysterious stranger is totally off the table.”

Farah’s lips twitched into a badly-suppressed smile. “Jury’s still out on that one. I’ll be with my friends a lot.”

“Got it. Keeping it on the DL.” Tina tapped her temple.

“Don’t save the new number. Delete any messages after you read them. The less you know, the less you can accidentally tell people.” Farah nodded to herself. 

Tina wanted to go back to kissing again, maybe get some more tongue involved this time, but it didn’t look like the universe was going to let that happen. She could see the wheels turning in Farah’s head from the here and now to more insane disaster planning or whatever went on in there. 

She threw a sloppy salute instead of dwelling on it. “Copy that.”

There was a knock on the door frame. Tina jumped.

“Hi. Are you nearly done in there?” Dirk asked. “I wanted to use the toilet, but you seemed to be having a bit of a moment.”

“Thank you for not,” said Farah.

“Have you been watching this whole time?” Tina couldn’t decide whether she minded or not, but she had a feeling that Farah would.

“Not the whole time, no. I dozed off, and when I woke up I had a crick in my neck and you were kissing.” He rocked on his heels and forward onto the balls of his feet, back and forth, without quite looking in their direction. 

Bunch of hot, uptight weirdos, all of them.

“Okay. Yes, we’re done. I’ll go get Todd and start the car.” Farah brushed past him. 

Once Farah’s back was turned, Dirk gave Tina a gleeful grin and two thumbs up. _Well done_ , he mouthed, and raced away.

Maybe not uptight, then. Definitely weird. Tina rolled her eyes and tried not to look too pleased with herself. She followed Farah out into the waiting room.

It took a few minutes more for her to say goodbye to Dirk and Todd, and another five before Farah successfully corralled them out the door. She threw out an arm to stop Tina from walking after them. “I brought the new car around. Don’t look outside until we’re gone.”

“Less I know, less I can tell. Got it. So …”

“Thank you for everything. I’ll see you?” Farah licked her lips.

“Say the word, I’m there. Within reason.” Tina held out her fist. Farah stared at it for a second before she seemed to realize what was going on. She bumped Tina’s knuckles with her own. “Boom,” said Tina. She made an exploding motion with her fist. “Fireworks.”

Farah snorted. She met Tina’s eyes, and smiled, and then she walked out the door and she was gone. 

Tina turned around so she wouldn’t be tempted to peek out the windows. “Just you and me,” she said to the station at large. “And Hobbs.” No pink-haired fantasy hunk in the cells. No psycho stabby lady wandering around, confused about how things like coffee-makers and mechanical pencils worked. Still glitter on the floor. 

Tina fiddled with her phone for a couple of minutes more, just to be on the safe side. She scrolled past a couple dozen Instagram cats that were probably really cute, but she didn’t actually see them. Farah had left, and taken all of the zany and scary shit with her. Regular old cats couldn’t really compete with giant scissors and air cannons.

She grabbed her radio and flask and went outside. She sat down with her back against a column out front and played music from her phone’s speakers until the sun set and it was time to go home.

~~*~~*~~

No one called her or texted except for Hobbs and her mom until the day after next: sometime in the early afternoon, while she was plowing her way through a stack of pancakes in a bra and boxer shorts.

 _Firing range 30mins east on highway through Bergsberg. Discount for LE._ The message was from an area code she’d never heard of in her life. Her heart leaped.

_that an order, cap’n?_

_Deputy, so not technically._

Tina had to push her plate out of the way so she could bang her head on the table a couple of times. Farah was lucky she was hot (and smart, and weird, and kind). _a sexy order, duh._

A long time before she got a response. Tina finished her pancakes. She put the plate in the sink for Future Tina to deal with, and poured herself another mug of coffee. She managed to get through the whole thing without checking her phone more than twice.

Finally, five minutes after it occurred to her that maybe she’d come on too strong: _… yes_ , said Definitely-Not-Farah. A moment later: _Absolutely. Shape up and learn to keep your cool, deputy._

Tina leaned back against the counter and grinned dopily at the phone in her hand.

_(did I do that right?)_

_hell yes._ Tina wriggled happily in place. Screw pining and waiting for her ship to come in. This could be its own kind of fun.


End file.
